Wave On Wave

In case some of you didn't know, I was laid off from my job back in September.  I didn't find another job until January when I went to work for Liberty Tax.  In addition to my position as a tax preparer, I am also managing this office.  Do y'all have Liberty Tax offices where you live?  It's a wonderful company and one of the perks of being a blogger and working here is all the amazing blog fodder that comes from the wavers.  You've probably seen them before.  They stand roadside, carry signs and wave at the traffic - all while wearing a Statue of Liberty costume.  The people who have applied to be a waver at our office haven't been the most, how do I say this nicely?...hell, there's just no way to say it nicely:  these people have been dumber than a barrel of hair.  Look what I've had to deal with since January:

Waver No. 1:  There was a funeral that passed during her shift.  She stood there with her signed and waved.  At the cars.  The family car, the hearse, the funeral procession itself.  Even the cars waiting for the funeral procession to pass.  When asked about it she said she figured since she had a captive audience she would make the best of it.  Really?  Not only did she have a 5 o'clock shadow at 9 in the morning, she was a Yankee.  Bless her heart.  

Waver No. 1:  Called to say she wasn't going to be able to come in today because she thought she might get a little cold out there.  Really Rainman?  An outside job in January and you think you MIGHT get too cold? She never came back to work. 

Waver No. 3:  (W#1's replacement).  She got into a fight with her boyfriend.  In the parking lot of our office, next door to a financial planner's office.  Did I mention she was still wearing her Lady Liberty costume, screaming and F-bombs being dropped like ashes on Ryan Seacrest?  Oh and lest I forget - she was about to light up a Swisher Sweet.  (That's a cheap cigar that's been 'stuffed' with a joint.)  Still wearing the costume - crown & all. Needless to say I had to fire her on the spot. 

Waver No. 4:  Called to say he couldn't come in to work today because he didn't have enough gas in his truck.  Same guy who asked the owner for gas money the first day he worked. 

Waver No. 5:  One of Liberty Tax's promotions is they will pay you $50 for a completed and paid tax return.  Waver No. 5 stole $200 cash from us.  Then didn't show up for work that next day.  She had to nerve to call the owner and ask for her check.  He told her she would get her check when she paid back the money she stole.  She said he couldn't prove she stole the money and that it was hearsay she took it.  He told her it was hearsay she worked, so he guessed they were even.  

Waver No. 6:  He counted the steps he took in a four-hour shift. He said it was 6,487 to be exact. 

Waver No. 7:  I like to refer to him as "20 Questions". Actual questions he asked yesterday: "Do you think Pizza Hut will sell just one slice of pizza?  Do you like pizza? What kind of pizza do you like? Can I do a flip while I'm out there?  If I bring a coffee cup  where would I keep it?  Can I use more than one sign when I wave? Can you blow in my eye, it's itching. Can I use my phone to make important phone calls when I'm waving? How did you know you wanted to do taxes? Can you spray this perfume on me? It's a girly perfume but I love smelly girly.  Do you like Starbucks? What kind of Starbucks do you like? I'll bring you some if  you want me to.  Do we have a mailbox here?  Do you want me to check it for you?"   He brought me flowers yesterday that he picked himself. Those little white star-shaped ones. Today he brought me a rock.  A rock.  Oh, and he's an up-talker.  I loathe uptalkers.  

So as you can see, life hasn't been boring around here lately.  Wait until I tell you about some of the people who have come in to have their taxes done. Contact high, anyone? 

I Went On A Vacation and Forgot To Tell Y’all About It

Tonight while waiting for the race to get rolling again, I was going through the pictures on my computer and realized I never told y’all about the vacation That Man and I took.  Probably because I was laid off two days before we left. Yep, two days before vacation I got laid off.  Should have been a sign but nooooo.  We had it all planned out and a major little economic set back be damned!

We left on Than Man’s 50th birthday and headed north to Springfield MO so he could go to the Bass Pro Shop. Disappointment #1.  It must have been damaged during all the storms in Joplin because it was nothing like it used to be.  The look on That Man’s face was almost heartbreaking.  No more wildlife displays. No more stream through the store.  Nothing at all like the last time he had been there. 

Sunday we leave MO and start making our way to South Dakota.  Even with the Bass Pro Shop fiasco and no employment hanging over my head, it’s still a great trip.  Until…his new truck leaves us stranded.  Stranded thirty miles outside of the Badlands. The day the first note on the truck was due.  Disappointment #2.  We had to wait for a tow truck to come from Rapid City.  It was so deserted, only 4 vehicles passed us in the 2.5 hours we waited. As in this deserted.

The tow truck finally arrived and we then had a two hour ride back to Rapid City.   Did you know tow trucks are pretty rough riding vehicles?  Especially when this is your view from the back window:

 

After a little supper and a good night’s sleep, we were able to pick up the rental car and try to salvage the vacation. First stop (SOOC, or i-Phone as it may be),

Next stop, Crazy Horse Monument.  If you’ve never been to Mt. Rushmore, it’s not near as big as you think it is.  The Crazy Horse Monument, once complete, will be large enough that Mt Rushmore will fit on the head of Crazy Horse.  Amazeballs it was. 

We ended up having to stay in Rapid City for three days until they replaced the fuel pump in the truck, but it wasn’t a total loss.  That Man had been to this area of SD before so he was a great tour guide. 

NOTE:  I didn’t get to see Michael Ballard, Angie, the Flaunt Girls or Jessie Dupree.  If you don’t watch ‘Full Throttle Saloon’, nothing I just wrote makes any sense.

After Sturgis, we went to Deadwood where we had dinner at Kevin Costner’s restaurant, Diamond Lil’s and then visited the gravesites of Wild Bill Hickok and Calamity Jane.

 

Y’all know how we like to just get in the car (or truck) and just end up somewhere?  Even in a different state, we do the same thing.  We turned off the main road and started driving through the mountains.  Look what we found:

If you’ve seen the movie, you know when Kevin Costner and Mary McDonnell are leaving at the end of the movie and the Indian Brave is riding on the ridge above them? 

That would be this ridge right here.  Pretty cool, huh?

We spent the rest of the afternoon at a roadside stream where we saw so many trout you couldn’t even begin to count them.  It was amazing.  And I took what I think is my new favorite picture of That Man, since he is not the most cooperative photo subject. 

 (Yes Michelle, his cap does in fact say “Choot ‘Em”)

Well, if you’ve made it through this entire picture-heavy post, then leave me a comment so I can send you a prize.  And get ready.  I’ve been working for Liberty Tax the last few months and I’ve got a few posts about the crazy wavers ready for you.  And they’re doozies.  The race is back on and I’m hoping he-who-will-not-be-named-so-as-not-to-jinx-it can pull off a win so I'm going to call it a night.

Have a great Tuesday and I promise to post more regularly/frequently, with more snarkiness bitterness humor. 

Toodles!

The Girlfriends Are Coming, The Girlfriends Are Coming!

In less than 12 hours, 75% of the Southern Girl Gang will be together again. We don't exactly know what we'll be doing but if you're a betting person I wouldn't count out the following:

• Alcohol
• Extended wearing of the jammies
• Food, food and food
• Laughing, lots of pee-your-pants-it's-so-funny laughing
• Chasing chickens (It's Mardi Gras weekend, after all)
• Sweet-talking ourselves out of something
• Sweet-talking ourselves into something
• More alcohol
• Calling the missing SGG member. Stupid grad school
• More food
• Possible need for bail money (See: Mardi Gras)

I'm so excited I can't hardly stand it.  All the stories that can be told, will be told so stay tuned!

What a week this has been!

First, let me thank you for the kind words you offered to  me and my family at the passing of my grandmother.  It’s so nice to know there are people out there who even though may not actually ‘know’ you, still care about you. What a nice feeling. 

With that said, how come you people weren’t here to help me move?  In addition to going home to Texas for my grandmother’s funeral, I’ve moved.  Yes, I moved out of an almost 2,000 sq. ft. house into a 950 sq. ft. home.  I swear I kept thinking the ‘Hoarders’ guy was going to show up any minute.  There’s a lot still left to do, in case you feel like you were left out.  Just let me know when you’ll be here and I promise to have something really yummy cooked and waiting for you.  I will – I promise. 

Anyway – all this stress and junk has caused me to sleep even less that I already did.  And it’s starting to really affect me.  Don’t believe me?  Every day I would pass by this picture someone ‘painted’ on a box on the utility pole:

I realized yesterday that I wasn’t going to get to see Rhett every morning on my way to work so today I stopped and took a picture so I could blog about it remember it when I brought the last load of stuff from the old house to the new one and passed by Rhett once more.  Except this time I took a closer look.

Y’all, that’s not Rhett Butler.  It’s Carlton from “Fresh Prince of Bel Air”. 
Dammit.