In case some of you didn't know, I was laid off from my job back in September. I didn't find another job until January when I went to work for Liberty Tax. In addition to my position as a tax preparer, I am also managing this office. Do y'all have Liberty Tax offices where you live? It's a wonderful company and one of the perks of being a blogger and working here is all the amazing blog fodder that comes from the wavers. You've probably seen them before. They stand roadside, carry signs and wave at the traffic - all while wearing a Statue of Liberty costume. The people who have applied to be a waver at our office haven't been the most, how do I say this nicely?...hell, there's just no way to say it nicely: these people have been dumber than a barrel of hair. Look what I've had to deal with since January:
Waver No. 1: There was a funeral that passed during her shift. She stood there with her signed and waved. At the cars. The family car, the hearse, the funeral procession itself. Even the cars waiting for the funeral procession to pass. When asked about it she said she figured since she had a captive audience she would make the best of it. Really? Not only did she have a 5 o'clock shadow at 9 in the morning, she was a Yankee. Bless her heart.
Waver No. 1: Called to say she wasn't going to be able to come in today because she thought she might get a little cold out there. Really Rainman? An outside job in January and you think you MIGHT get too cold? She never came back to work.
Waver No. 3: (W#1's replacement). She got into a fight with her boyfriend. In the parking lot of our office, next door to a financial planner's office. Did I mention she was still wearing her Lady Liberty costume, screaming and F-bombs being dropped like ashes on Ryan Seacrest? Oh and lest I forget - she was about to light up a Swisher Sweet. (That's a cheap cigar that's been 'stuffed' with a joint.) Still wearing the costume - crown & all. Needless to say I had to fire her on the spot.
Waver No. 4: Called to say he couldn't come in to work today because he didn't have enough gas in his truck. Same guy who asked the owner for gas money the first day he worked.
Waver No. 5: One of Liberty Tax's promotions is they will pay you $50 for a completed and paid tax return. Waver No. 5 stole $200 cash from us. Then didn't show up for work that next day. She had to nerve to call the owner and ask for her check. He told her she would get her check when she paid back the money she stole. She said he couldn't prove she stole the money and that it was hearsay she took it. He told her it was hearsay she worked, so he guessed they were even.
Waver No. 6: He counted the steps he took in a four-hour shift. He said it was 6,487 to be exact.
Waver No. 7: I like to refer to him as "20 Questions". Actual questions he asked yesterday: "Do you think Pizza Hut will sell just one slice of pizza? Do you like pizza? What kind of pizza do you like? Can I do a flip while I'm out there? If I bring a coffee cup where would I keep it? Can I use more than one sign when I wave? Can you blow in my eye, it's itching. Can I use my phone to make important phone calls when I'm waving? How did you know you wanted to do taxes? Can you spray this perfume on me? It's a girly perfume but I love smelly girly. Do you like Starbucks? What kind of Starbucks do you like? I'll bring you some if you want me to. Do we have a mailbox here? Do you want me to check it for you?" He brought me flowers yesterday that he picked himself. Those little white star-shaped ones. Today he brought me a rock. A rock. Oh, and he's an up-talker. I loathe uptalkers.
So as you can see, life hasn't been boring around here lately. Wait until I tell you about some of the people who have come in to have their taxes done. Contact high, anyone?