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Monday, January 3, 2011

That Ni-Ni’s A Hard Working Lady!

It’s been a while since I’ve posted one of these and what better way to start off the New Year’s than with a Crazy Rusty text exchange.

Y’all know Candance, aka Crazy Texas Mommy, and I are some Toddlers & Tiaras watching fools. Last week was the season premiere. Finally after what seemed like hours of watching wacko people with strange addictions, it was finally time for the contestants to take the stage. And leading the stage was Makenzie, a psychotic precocious 4-year old who still takes a pacifier – or Ni-Ni as she calls it.

What follows is the text communication that transpired while watching. Candance’s texts are in pink. Enjoy!

Please tell me you’re home getting ready to watch Makenzie and her Ni-Ni. You have. You just have to!

I am counting down.

Woo hoo!

‘Ni-Ni’s a hard-working lady’. Just figured out they live 2 hrs. from me. Right before Natchitoches.

Go there & steal her Ni-Nis. And spank her. And slap her mother.

I want her mama to hold her head up when she talks.

She’s beat down.

I hate Danielle. A lot.

A lot.

I forgot to tell you. My nephew’s baby mama was in the Yambilee pageant. I told her if she had a girl we were kidnapping her ala Operation Full Glitz Toddler Kidnap!

(In response to discovering Makenzie’s mother is pregnant) She’s knocked up! Makenzie’s mother is going to produce more offspring! That should be illegal.

Someone’s losing her Ni-Ni to the baby. I see an infant mysteriously falling into the dryer. For an entire permanent press cycle.

(In response to the potential kidnap victim full-glitz participant) Hell yeah! That’s awesome! NJ also has a niece that’s a viable candidate.

Those twins mama needs to back away from the Juviderm. Her mouth barely works.

The thing about the baby in the dryer made me snort. NJ says the twins mom looks like a horse.

(After Makenzie wasn’t ready when they called her onstage) She’s late! Loss of points. Uh oh.

They better have a ni-ni ready.

For Danielle. If she loses.

Listening to Danielle – it’s as if the voices in my head are being spoken aloud by someone. You know about people being sad about losing to me because I’m so beautiful. WTH? She’s eight-years old!

I think I just heard NJ’s head explode over the pageant dad commercial.

Please let her lose. I want to see a fit!

Oh, how many times I’ve said that very thing tonight.

He saw pageant dad and said, “what the hell!”

Hells yeah! (after Danielle lost Grand Supreme to a 1-year old)

Yay Scarlett! (the 1-yr old who won Grand Supreme)

Swimming with the sharks (in response to Makenzie’s obnoxious bellerin’ (is too a word) about wanting to go swimming)

I said something about giving her some pretty new brick floaties

Love it! Wonder why there are no more interviews with Danielle?

Cause she’s crying like a little bitch.

Or trashing the hotel room like she said she’d do if she lost. That or her other response – “tackling the judges”. Or possibly appearing at the restraining order hearing.

She’s gonna be on that show ‘Snapped’ one day.

I just snorted so loud I hurt my head.

NJ just said he’s getting up to snack on a roll of TP and wash it down with some laundry soap. (Because one of those wacko with the strange addictions ate toilet paper and another one ate laundry detergent.)

Be careful. It’s a gateway absorbent. Next he’ll be in the closet curled up with a roll of Select-A-Size Brawny. Just saying.

Laughing so hard right now. Oh my hell!


Only two more days until the next episode. The one with the pageant dad. I hope NJ’s ready for it!


amyblam.com said...

I was PRAYING Danielle would trash a hotel room. She is going to grow up into a lifetime movie network event. Cheerleader murders or something.

Mr. Daddy said...


say it aint so....

you guys have NJ hooked now?????

I see and INTERVENTION... in that mans future....

just saying...

Rachel said...

I was TOTALLY cracking up through the entire post, and then my husband killed me with that comment.

Y'all are just hilarious, I bow to your amazingness. I got nothin'

Rachel said...

(And ohmyword, how many times didja want to smack those flippers right outta those little mouths? "I'm gonna trash a hotel room"??? I burned off about 20 holiday calories scowling and muttering at the tv)

Candance said...

I reminded NJ that it's coming on tonight when I was texting you last night. His mouth said, "OMG, that stupid a** show again." But his eyes said, "Thank you 8 pound 9 ounce Baby Jesus." Yes. They. Did.

And, yes, the interwebs are working enough at my house to finally be able to leave a comment!! Woo-hoo!!

Out of My Mind said...

You guys REALLY get off on watching that show!
You two are just my kind of people "NUTS!"

I watched it once and got so mad that I haven't watched it again. It looks like a form of child abuse to me.

I think someone should do a follow up show of these 'CONTESTANTS" a few years down the road. I see MAJOR problems in their futures.

Aunt Crazy said...

I"m lucky to know y'all, that is all.

Michelle Hoad said...

Avery is crushed. When she wins, she will no longer be able to say it was all due to you and Candance. She wouldn't have said it anyways, cause she's pretty conceited.

Angie @ Cocina Diary said...

OMG, I saw this and I couldn't believe this little girl and her freaking Ni-ni! My mom was watching with me, and you should have seen the Puerto Rican come out in .2 seconds. She wanted to spank that little butt like there was no tomorrow! Danielle is the reason I want to have no children!!!!

Leiah, by the way, this Angie from Just Simply Live. I had to close that blog because I had some crazy people from Pakistan sending me spam messages even when the spam blocker was up. So I closed it. But I have my cooking one at http://cocinadiary.blogspot.com/