Thank You Very Much - 12/31/09

I always read these Thank You Very Much posts, comment on and enjoy them to no end but have never participated...that is until today.  When I came to the conclusion that if I don't do something to deal with these evil plots thoughts barrelling strolling through my mind, I'm going to take over a tower and  end up on CNN, Fox, MSN and possibly even Telemundo!  After I've scared the ever living crap out of! entertained you with my profers of gratitude, head on over to Kmama's link yourself up and send out a few Thank You's of your own. You'll feel better -- trust me.  

To the SheDevil family member who thought it was her God given right duty to publicly humiliate me on Christmas Eve via the social networking site Facebook by posting a status filled with lies and "information" you believed to have found about me, causing horrible pain and embarrassment, not only to me but to my child, other family members and a handful of mutual friends we shared, many of whom I have not seen since graduating high school 26 year ago, my ulcer and I Thank you very much. 

To the attorney who signs my paycheck (that I write - additional TYVM) for not finishing the work that needed to be filed with the Court today until 6:30 p.m. at which point I could finally upload it and file it and leave my office at 7:15 p.m., yes causing me to have to CANCEL my New Year's Eve plans, even after asking me yesterday if I was coming in today and after being told yes, but for only half a day, Thank you very much.

To the imbecilic moron woman who swerved her car into my lane because she SPILLED HER COFFEE WHEN SHE DROPPED HER CELL PHONE and attempted to stand up in her car while still driving, causing me to slam on my brakes, begin to slide sideways off the road and pray I didn't get rear-ended by the two-ton Dualie I saw in my mirror, immediately causing images flashing through my mind of Dennis Weaver in the movie Duel, Thank you very much.  And since you thought it necessary to then follow me to my job to apologize for your stupidity and then actually tell me that the reason you almost ran over me was because of said coffee and cell phone only makes me want to tell you ever louder THANK YOU VERY *&%@$# MUCH!

To the lingering and extremely irritating crud that has taken up residence in my body for the last two weeks, causing me to have a nasal situation that alternates between stuffed up tighter than John Goodman's waistband after an all you can eat Thanksgiving buffet to running like the Mississippi, a throat so hoarse I make Harvey Fierstein sound like Tiny Tim and causing me to ride the insomnia train night after night after night Thank you very much.

WTH Wednesday, aka True Story Tuesday - Ugly Words

DISCLAIMER:  Apparently I'm a big doofus when it comes to scheduling things to post because this one never did yesterday.  I just came to the conclusion that perhaps there was something wrong and I didn't actually schedule the dadgum thing right and it wasn't that no one had one thing to say about my latest contribution to TST.  OK note to self:  next time instead of wondering why no one likes you or your writing, verify the flippin' thing even posted!  And with that being said, here is what I INTENDED to share with you yesterday...Tuesday.  You know, like the title implies. 

Once again, Rachel & Mr. Daddy over at Once Upon A Miracle are hosting "True Story Tuesday". You'll find some mighty funny, sweet and sometimes unbelievable stories linked up with them. So what you need to do, if you haven't before, is grab the little mclinky thingamabob and throw your story into the mix. You'll enjoy the stories and will get a little more traffic in your own blog neighborhood. And with that said, let's dive right in to today's installment...

When my daughter was two-years old she went to the most darling daycare that just oozed preciousness. It was called The Bunny Stop for gravy's sake! Now as a good Southern mama I knew that I just had to teach little Katie Scarlett that when someone asked you a question you never, never, never answered it with "Uh huh" or "Uh Uh". So one day when picking up the little Princess I told her, "Katiebug, I want you just this one time to tell Miss Raquel the ugly words so if she hears you say them, she can help you remember to use pretty words." So Miss Raquel got down eye-level with this darling little two-year old and said, "Ok, Miss Katie -- just this one time tell me the ugly words, OK?"  That little girl all color-coordinated with her Oshkosh B'gosh overalls, matching Keds and bow in her hair looked at me and then with all seriousness, says "Shit" (quite loudly I might add) which, if truth be told on this True Story Tuesday, is what I just about did. Miss Raquel fell backwards laughing and could not stop. I just kept saying over and over, "No...you're supposed to say Yes Ma'am...not uh huh!" She was still laying there laughing as we left. 

Ok, flash forward 3 years. Her daddy, aka The Presumed Father, & I had just gone through what had to be one of the messiest, meanest divorces since Lucy & Desi. Things had finally begun to calm down so I loaded up the Princess and we headed to Galveston for the weekend. Now Daddy made sure his girls could take care of their car if they had too, so  I checked the oil, the air in the tires and had even had my little Honda detailed.  Now let me tell you, at this point in my economic life that was a major splurge. We drove to Galveston, rode the ferry over and did a little walking on The Strand.   At some point during the day, Princess decided she wanted a Frosty at Wendy's and I of course obliged, also ordering myself a large drink also. Cup-holders apparently had not been standard in my 91 Honda so I would put my drink between the seats. This time I guess I didn't get it in there just right so when I turned the corner the whole thing went flying to the floor! And y'all guess which "lovely" word came flying out of my mouth...yep, Mommy dropped an F bomb. I told Princess that Mommy was sorry and that you should never say that word, that it was a very, very bad word. This sweet little punkin looked at me and said, "Mommy -- when you do or say sumthin' bad if you do sumthin' good, it makes God happy." I smiled and told her that was a very good thing to remember. Then she said, "You probably should do two or three for that one." Nothing like a 5-year old conscious let me tell you.  


The Princess, Katie Scarlett, is now almost 22 and just about the coolest kid I've ever met - even with all my parenting mistakes.  

Joyeaux Noel!

After my earlier post this week about that sweet Cajun woman, I've thought a lot about my family and our Cajun heritage.  The joie de vive that runs through our veins, the food we cook that is so synonymous with the bayou, the language that although we may not speak totally en francais, we still pepper speech with words and phrases of the Acadiens.  The Cajuns love a good fais do do (dance - translated: 'don't go to sleep').  They 'go to town' and once there 'get down' and go in the store.  Once back at home they 'save the groceries' in the pantry.  If a little child  is seen pouting, you can be sure someone is going to tell them to stop their boude' ('booday').   What's that you said? You're cold and got the freesons (free zons) - well, put you a sweater on, yeah.  

One of my favorite Christmas stories is the Cajun Night Before Christmas.  As a child, someone always read this story to us kids, eventually us learning to read it ourselves. It also never failed to make me smile. 

So, in honor of my heritage and all those family members "who's done passed", I hope you enjoy the following and that it brings a smile to your face too.   

Merry Christmas Chere!

True Story Tuesday - Come Pass A Good Time!

Time is surely flying by this week.  It's already True Story Tuesday again.   Over at Once Upon A Miracle Rachel & Mr. Daddy have posted the sweetest story so make sure you visit their place and give it a read.


Today's story happened about 7 years ago and to this day still makes me laugh so hard I cry. I am a paralegal and once worked in the Asbestos Litigation department of a very prominent Texas attorney. We handled all the aspects of a case where the client had been exposed to asbestos, which included everything from obtaining work histories to medical information and sometimes scheduling medical tests for them.


NOTE: The words used are pronounced as follows:
Mais: may
Doan: don't
Dat: that
Dis: this
Dere: there
Tarred: tired
Chew: you
Ta: to
Chere: sha (long a like hat; its a term of endearment)
Fa: for
Ting: thing
Goan: going
Wit: with
Tank: thank


Now, I'm going to try and tell this as best I can in the written word but it will not do it the justice it deserves because this woman and her husband both were Cajun and still had a very heavy accent.  Being half Cajun, I laugh because it sounds like something one of my relatives would have done. (Think Grandma & juice...lol!)


One day the wife of a client called and was in quite the tizzy. You see, her husband did NOT want to go and take this particular test he thought he was scheduled to take. When she called she said, "Mais, ma husbun - he doan wanna go take dat test no. He say he tarred of all dat pokin' and stuff." We didn't show him as being scheduled for any test - medical or otherwise so we asked her what test she was talking about and did she have a date that we could look up in the system.


She said "Mais, I doan know what date chew got down for him ta go - but he's not gonna go no. I can tell you that fa sure chere. "


We asked her again what test she was talking about and she said (get ready), "When we came in dere, he signed that paper for that ting ...whatchu call an autopsy...he tired of all dem tests. He feels so baad all de time. Can you make it so he doan gotta go take it?" at which point she was rapidly put on hold.


When we finally were able to stop laughing long enough to tell her, "Mrs. _____, he doesn't have to go take an autopsy. When he signed that paper he consented to an autopsy after he passes away in case they need to determine if the asbestos played a part in his death." Now, as funny as this was it got even funnier after we told her this.  


She said, "Oh mais he gonna be so happy yeah. I'm goan tell him right dis minute he doan have to go take dat test. Oh chere - you sure made his day wit dis news. Tank y'all. Y'all be good now and we'll see you next time we make a pass by there. Bye bye."


Hope you enjoyed "passin' a good time" with me on this True Story Tuesday. Merry Christmas to you all!

Skinny Chics In Sumo Suits

I discovered the BEST blog today thanks to Four Sons's . These three chicks are funny, witty, sarcastic (which I LOVE LOVE LOVE!) and are sharing their latest journey to the land of tiny hineys. Since I too have decided that enough is enough and I am NOT going to be the recipient of my own zip code, I have been going to the gym on a regular basis (9 out of the last 11 days thankyouverymuch!) and have eliminated dairy and processed food from my diet.

Here is my contribution to the Weekly Meeting:


1. I have done 2 Centergy classes this week. It's a combo yoga/pilates. Let me just tell you that tonight that ass I'm trying to get rid of was kicked from here to the state line AND then back again. So much for all that enlightenment jazz. I will admit that I love the way my muscles feel the next day -- not sore but you are definitely more aware of them and I find myself holding my stomach in (or at least picking it up off my thighs when I'm sitting at my desk) and standing up straighter.


2. The other two nights this week I have walked/pseudo ran 3.5 miles each night for a total of 7 miles! Thank goodness "Sing Off" - or whatever that show is called - was on and it made the hour on that revolving black belt of death go by in no time flat.

3. I'm going out of town tomorrow night for a girl's weekend that will involve 'adult beverages' and food. Lots and lots of food. And did I mention there will be adult beverages? This means I will not be going to the gym tomorrow or Saturday so that will require a Sunday afternoon workout if I want to keep up the schedule. (Notice I said if I WANT to -- not so I CAN).

Alright you out there -- check out these rockin' sumo chicks and follow along with us gals as we fight struggle try free the skinny girl within!

True Story Tuesday - Christmas Style!

It's True Story Tuesday and this week Rachel over at Once Upon A Miracle has a Christmas theme going. You have to read her's...funny does not describe it!

Some of you may know that I am the oldest of four children, with there only being 15 months between me and my twin brothers. Yep, Mama had 3 children in 15 months. Yes, four children...me in October 1964, twin boys in January 1966 and then my sister in November 1968. And to make it even better, Mama graduated in May 1963 at the age of 17, turned 18 in November, got married January 1964 and 9 months, 1 week and 4 days later I was born --20 days before she turned 19. Four children that close in age with parents that young meant we had some C.R.A.Z.Y. times growing up. One of the best is a very juicy story that I'd like to share with you.

We were the only grandchildren on my mama's side of the family for a very long time but that didn't mean we were spoiled by any means. My grandparents weren't well off but they weren't hurting for money either. The girls would normally get a new outfit that Grandma had sewn for us and the boys would also get some item of clothing. There was always that rare chance that we would get a toy(!) or something...anything...other than clothes.

So it's Christmas 1974...four children aged 9, 8 and 5 opening presents at Grandpa & Grandma's house. But wait -- that's not a clothes box! Could it be -- are we getting something other than clothes??? Those boxes were so heavy - we couldn't imagine what was in them. Once we opened them it was more like we couldn't BELIEVE what was in them...even at our young ages we knew this was just not right.

You see, my sweet, precious, Cajun Grandma has always been a little, like they say here in the South "1/2 a bubble off of plumb." Crazy but not in a keep-her-in-the-attic kind of way. But this year -- this year Grandma had outdone herself, let me tell you!

She decided to give each of us 6-packs of juice that year. Juice? Yep...you know those little 5.5 oz. cans of juice? That's what we each got -- our own six-pack of juice. I got V-8 (which I loved and still do except now I like it with a little vodka and Tabasco). My sister got Mott's Apple Juice. One brother got Treesweet Orange Juice. Do remember that one? Ugh -- it was always so bitter! The other brother, well let's just say he didn't make out as well as the rest of us. He got Treesweet GRAPEFRUIT!!! I know what you're thinking, "Who in their right mind gives an 8-year old grapefruit juice?" Did you forget? My Grandma does that's who!

We're now 45, 44 and 41 and we STILL laugh about the time Grandma gave us juice for Christmas.

And in case you're wondering, Grandma is still around and 86 years old!