True Story Tuesday

I had a lovely comment the other day from Rachel over at Once Upon A Miracle and then she asked me to re-post this on "True Story Tuesday" and link up with some other fabulous people doing the same.  Since my life is utterly berserk right now and I haven't written in a while I thought why not.  So just pretend this one was on your DVR and you decided to give it another view! 

WEDDING BELL BLUES - PART DEUX

When last we met, the blessed nuptials were about to commence.

Remember, it's New Year's Eve.  There's a Christmas tree glowing in the corner and we're standing in front of a roaring fireplace as we vow to love one another forever and ever amen.  While the uncle is performing the ceremony, my cousin's son -- who is probably 7 or 8 -- is trying to peck out 'Here Comes The Bride' on his Casio keyboard he got for Christmas.  It was 1986, everyone had one.  He finishes the ceremony and says, 'Let's all bow our heads and pray.'  It was at this point I saw my cousin's husband sitting at the kitchen table...eating a piece of pie.  When Uncle Myrtice said 'let's pray', poor guy was mid-bite so bowed his head, hand still half-way to the mouth with a bite of pie on it.  I couldn't help it...I couldn't take my eyes off of that bite the whole prayer.  So the minute Preacher Uncle said 'Amen', that fork continued it's journey straight to Steve's mouth.  I couldn't help but giggle.  Everyone there thought I was just bubbling with joy now that we were married but all I could think of was that fork paused...in mid-air...the bite of pecan pie perfectly balanced while waiting to be sent on its way to gastrointestinal locations unknown.

So it's official.  We're Mr. &  Mrs.   Now remember we've gotten lost , stuck in a ditch, towed by a tractor and then waited for the minister to get back from coon hunting so time has slipped away and we're heading back to Beaumont later than expected where waiting for us to return were The Presumed Father's dad and his child-bride, in addition to my parents.  Billy & The Kid had arranged a little get-together at an establishment once written up in Texas Monthly as one of the "Best Honky Tonks In Texas" -- how precious is that I ask you?  Not near as precious as the fact that a mere two years later it became an adult bookstore called Peepers. 

Apparently my new father-in-law loved Brass Monkeys and had partaken of quite a few by the time we arrived and was in a very celebratory mood.  He danced me around the floor a couple of times until I was finally able to break away.  The Presumed Father took this time to try to catch up with his father and imbibed in quite a few beers and other assorted drinks himself.  A little after midnight we say we're leaving and my parents jump on the idea and announce they're making a run for it also.  My daddy gives me a hug, hands me a wad of cash and says in a very low voice, "Here's some money for your honeymoon.  Please don't make me come to a place like this again."   We're standing in the parking lot trying desperately to find our car when all of a sudden, the father-in-law jumps on the hood of the car in front of us!  He then jumps from hood to hood attempting to locate our car.  After what seemed like hundreds of cars being jumped on, he shouts "Here it is!"  We make our way over to our car and I help  The Presumed Father into the passenger seat because he's in no condition to drive and since I brought my "Plus 1" with me, I wasn't able to partake which meant I was the designated driver.  I got in the car, started it up and headed home.

At this time we were living in a tiny 1-bedroom apartment.  Actually it was an old house that had been converted into three apartments.  The bottom floor was one and then we lived in one of the upstairs units.  This apartment was maybe 3 miles from the lovely site of our post-nuptial celebration and I had driven maybe 1.75 of them when all at once flashing lights appeared in my rear-view mirror.  I pulled over to the side of the road and waiting for the officer to come to the window.  I looked over at The Presumed Father and he was passed out y'all!  Com-a-tose pased out.  It was right then and there, that I just tipped over and started spilling out.  The officer walked up the window and told me the reason he had stopped me was because I had a headlight that was out.  I started bawling and told him, "I'm sorry...I just got married...We eloped...Got stuck in a ditch...Pulled out by a tractor...Had to wait for him to finish coon hunting...Yvonne's...father-in-law dancing on car hoods...my new husband is passed out right here ...and I'M PREGNANT!"  Darlin' I swear to you that precious police officer just looked at me and without a word, walked up to the front of that Toyota Starlet, jiggled that light and as God is my witness it came back on.  He said someone must have knocked it loose earlier in the evening.  With that he said, "Y'all have a Happy New Year and drive safe."  I drove the rest of the way home through blinding tears and then had to help The Presumed Father out of the car and up the stairs, where he immediately fell asleep.

The next morning we got up, grabbed our bags and headed to Galveston for our honeymoon.  The car ride consisted of my new husband suffering from a hang-over listening to the Cotton Bowl Game on the radio...on a static-filled AM station...for the entire 2 hour drive.  

Now had I had any wits about me or the sense I have now, I would thought to myself, "Hmmm, I wonder if any of the things that happened in the last 24 hours could be a sign this might not be such a good idea?"  I was so in love at this point, or so I thought, that I don't think if the Big Man upstairs had slapped me upside the head with his own hand would I have thought any different.

I don't know if I'll ever get married again, but you can be sure I'll be a little more cognizant of signs if it does happen.   One good thing did come out of that marriage -- well two actually.  The love of my life, my Katiebug, and one helluva wedding story!