As of this posting, I’m 50 years, 6 months and 2 days old. I’m the big 5-0…in my 51st year on this planet. What the what? When did this happen?
A friend of mine explains it in a way that makes so much sense: "You know how we would tell stories about work and the ladies we worked with? Guess what? Now we're the ladies." Ouch. Thanks, Gina.
Remember when you were a little kid and all you wanted to be was grown up? I mean as in could.not.wait. Life would be so great when we were an adult. Never having to do something if we didn’t want to. We would eat candy all day. We wouldn’t have a bedtime and would stay up as late as we wanted. We would do what we wanted, when we wanted and how we wanted, and never have to follow rules ever again.
Oh, what misguided little fools we were.
I read this the other day and thought it pretty much summed up the life of an adult. Feel free to add anything I’ve missed.
Twenty-Five Ways to Know You Have Grown Up
- Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
- Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
- Your fridge contains more food than beer.
- 6:00 a.m. is when you get up – not when you go to bed.
- You hear your favorite song from high school in an elevator.
- You watch the Weather Channel. By choice.
- Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.”
- You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
- Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as being “dressed up.”
- You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down that crappy music.
- Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
- You have no idea what time Taco Bell closes.
- Your car insurance payments go down as your car payments go up.
- You now feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
- Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
- You take naps. By choice.
- Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
- Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
- You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
- A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer considered “pretty good sh*t.”
- You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
- “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
- 90% of the time you now spend in front of a computer is for real work.
- You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
- When you find out your best friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking, “Oh crap – what happened?”
BONUS: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you and you can’t find one to save your sorry old a$$.
How about it. What do you think could be added to the list?