So, y’all have a very Merry Christmas and I’ll see you next year!
For the last five years I’ve driven an SUV. A 2005 Kia Sorento to be exact. It was three years old when I bought it and she served me well. She supplied transportation to many an SGG and JUGs event. She was a good car. Until recently that is when she turned into an ugly, spiteful, be-otch that hated me. Hated me from the top of her continually burning out headlamps to the bottom of her can’t-keep-a-constant-amount-of-air tires. To make matters worse, she began to spew hot, scalding air at me causing me to remain in a constant state of hotflashedness. Her A/C had gone out and was going to cost a King’s ransom to repair. It bad. Real bad, man. So bad, I’d taken to driving to work with my hair up in hot rollers and fixing it once I got to the office so as to not have a humidi-fro. (humidi-fro: noun; humidity induced hairstyle whereas your hair becomes one big, frizzy pile of tangled crap on your head)
Kontemptible Kia’s days were numbered. She knew it. I knew it. It was just a matter of time before she was relegated to that old car lot in the sky.
Then Saturday, That Man and I had to go to town to pick up a few things. We were talking about the hateful wench formerly known as my car, when he decided to just drive through a car dealership. Lo and behold, we found this and I swear I heard an angel choir sing:
A Mustang GT with only 5,200 miles on it. Only 5,200 miles on it. With tires that had so few miles on them, they still had those little nubby things on the edges. A Mustang GT that had never been driven in the rain. It’s beautiful I must say. It’s got everything on it imaginable. And the inside? The inside is smoking hot.
I may love being a mom but hate hate hate the car buying game. Why do they have to keep going back and talking to the ‘man behind the curtain’? Ugh. Well, finally, she was mine…all mine!
I have to say that being a mom is the most rewarding job you can have but not having to drive a mom car anymore? Well, that’s just priceless.
Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got rubber to burn…um, I mean time to get to the office.
Hey y’all. I hope there’s still some y’all out there. So many things have gone on since the last time I was on here. Too many to list in one blog post and I promise I’ll catch y’all up in due time but until then I have to share something with you that I recently discovered.
Remember when I talked about how much I love a good obituary? Well, I discovered something even better. Wills that are filed online. Especially wills that aren’t written by lawyers with all the fancy legalese and terminology. Wills that read something like this: (Note: The names have been changed so as to protect the identity of the lucky beneficiaries.)
“To Ella Louise, I leave jewelry she left Mama, diamond heart necklace, Jesus picture Candy bought, turtle flower planter, tiara queen crown and diamond necklace. (Tiara queen crown??? This one must have been the favorite!)
To Theola, I leave angel above Mama’s bed, chimes hanging by air conditioner. (As opposed to the wind chimes hanging by the garage)
To Lucille, I leave her belongings, pictures. (I guess this was her way of saying “Finally! I got your crap out of my house”)
To Elizabeth, I leave china hutch, Daddy’s bible, black iron cooking pots. (The black iron cooking pots? Score!)
To Melanie, I leave pineapple plant, pictures, Sidney’s picture above Mama’s bed, mawmaw cup she bought, cooking pots.” (Pineapple plant, mawmaw cup & cooking pots…well, they may not be black iron but you know that pineapple plant more than makes up for it!)
I promise you – other than changing the names, these are the actual entries in a will I found online while doing research. When I found it, the first thing I thought was, “Oh, this is totally blogworthy!”
How about you? Have any crazy will stories to share?
And in case you thought this couldn’t be topped, just wait. I found a community property settlement that will make you laugh until tears run down your leg.
In less than 12 hours, the SGG will be together again.
Candance's petite SGG is auditioning for The Voice and if there’s a reason for all of us to get together, come Hell or high water we’re going to do whatever’s necessary to make it happen. Christy will be there with her petite SGG, as well as Michelle and her petites. The SGG In Training, Katiebug, will also be there.
Not only will there be an exorbitant amount of hairspray, mascara and Skinny Tea (for the adults…because not only is it against the law for minors to imbibe but also we don’t share well with others) sure to be utilized, I anticipate there will be at least 84,000 times we simultaneously reach for our phones. You know the saying “Great minds think alike”? Well, we’ve proved it to be true because we all completely by coincidence have the same ringtone – Miranda Lambert’s Only Prettier. For you see, when you’ve been blessed by the Grace of Southern Charm you want to make sure that your phone announces it to the world. Or at least to anyone within hearing distance.
OK, y’all have a great weekend. I’m off to make sure I’ve got everything packed and count the hours until Katiebug gets off work. Then, it’s on the road again.
Watch out Houston – the girls are back in town!